The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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