apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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