I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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