bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
