I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
