I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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