meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
