I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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