Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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