I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
