He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
