did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
