so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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