Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
