There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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