I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
