Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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