would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
