a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
