Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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