She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
