I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm like, not good at living.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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