My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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