Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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