I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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