U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
