he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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