if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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