Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
