Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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