Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
