Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
