Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
