we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
