I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
