shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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