Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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