I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
