Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
