so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
