How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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