I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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