I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
