There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize