3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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