guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
