NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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