He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
