They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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