he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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