quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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