Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
