pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
