i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
