Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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