i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
