I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
