god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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