Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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