i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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