Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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