Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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