Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
