so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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