I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
