I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
