Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
