I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
